a fool and her $money$

trying to get help, hah!

2010-06-17T09:41:00.005-04:00

the latest affront is i clicked on one of those ads about refinancing and debt relief and all that. there were: as seen on CBS, better business bureau, official privacy security stuff, all over the place. i went thru their stupid process, putting in my financial info. i was told i'd be contacted, which i hate, but i'm sure they needed to know income, and the site hadn't asked for that.

when an unknown number came thru, i made myself answer and listen to some idiot living in one of the rectangle states, tell me none of my info came thru to him, especially the part about uws co-op. they don't even know what they are. and they are: quicken loans, the biggest lender, according to said idiot. yeah, i'm impressed.

here's my deal: (financial disclosures below, read at your own risk)

i own an upper west side co-op that i bought in 1993 for $150,000. it's now worth about $650,000. location, location, location, and it's quiet, overlooks a garden and has a wood-burning fireplace (wbfp)
i paid off about $100k in the salad days as well as completely remodeled the kitchen (think tuscan farmhouse, cherry cabinets, granite counter top) and bath (white tile, pedestal sink, currently painted soothing blue)
stopped getting work a few years back. started figure modeling (at $15-20/hr i feel i'm doing charity for education) and learning to oil paint.
started looking for work as savings dried up. October 2008 booom
got a $100k home equity loan to pay taxes and live on while i looked for paying work. sigh
watched my $250k retirement savings shrink 40%. (it's close to $200 now, unless i have to use it to pay off debt)
racked up about $50k in credit card debt (rates from 7-11%) as savings dwindled, market tanked, afraid to spend cash
still paying all bills on time and a bit more than the minimum.

here's some of the scary part:

last month i paid $1,700 to credit card minimums plus $50-75
AND i paid $1,000 to my mortgage and home eq loan (min + $50)
$2,700 for all my debt per month
If i were to get a $200,000 loan at 4.75% paying it off in 20 years, my payments would be under $1,300 a month.
i'd love to save $1,400 a month to pay off my debt!! who wouldn't?
problem is, 2 of the 3 specially chosen vendors don't handle co-ops in NYC. and i had to get a phone call to figure this out. what a waste of time for both of us.
my credit union, that i've belonged to since i worked for one year at mcgraw-hill in 1993, told me they won't even take my mortgage application because i don't have tax forms that show i make lots of money
now i'm going to see if citibank will talk to me as a disadvantaged home-owner. i have the tax forms that show i don't make a lot of money. that's how i'm getting affordable health insurance and my rxs paid for.

so this is where i'm at thurs june 17, staying at friends' places this week so i can rent out my place for $175/nite for a week to a family from portland i met on craig's list.

i'm in a somewhat better mood because i made enough money to pay my bills this month. and wouldn't it be a whole lot easier if i magically had to pay $1,400 less? that's all i'm asking for.

sometimes you get what you need, when you ask

2010-04-20T15:44:00.004-04:00

i've been asking the universe lately to give me some well-paying, flexible & interesting work. i believe if you're gonna bother asking, go for it!

and it worked! a client I've worked with before and they asked me back to help move a project along. one thing i love about this client is that they totally get that work can be done from home without someone standing over me to make sure it happens. last time i showed up in person maybe once a week and that was plenty. i love it when i can do a good job working the way i like to work and not having to give up my modeling gigs.

let's hope this gets me thru the summer financially:)

survived tax time

2010-03-31T11:26:00.003-04:00

i had a few hopes going into taxes that were all realized. keep in mind, these hopes may seem a bit odd. it's the part of my split personality where i have to keep my income down, not up.

i wanted to come out of taxes not owing anything--pretty easy since i'm not making much money. but very important so that i can keep my cheap health ins ($300/mos vs $650/mos) and get my anti-depressants from the manufacturer. i have to make less than $2,200/mos. (don't even think about that folks who make this little also have to pay $300/mos--yes, that health ins bill was necessary)

of course, i had to pay to get my taxes done. i have some other bills to pay, savings is almost depleted and i don't have any work on the horizon. whew! that was hard to write, but it's true. i've never gone this long without a good, long, high-paying gig to pay down debt. that's how i paid off $100k of my mortgage.

only to borrow it back. UGH.

i don't like having things this out of control.

so, back to looking for work, i guess.

money = scary

2010-02-08T10:35:00.001-05:00

i have little if any money coming in right now and i'm afraid to look at my accounts. it sounds weird, but it's true.

success! finally

2009-12-29T16:04:00.004-05:00

it only took 4 months, $830 out of pocket waiting out delays, and almost my sanity.

lilly's program finally actually sent my doctor my drugs!!

(of course, the biggest problem with the program is that everything goes through the doctor, who has many patients to deal with, instead of me, the patient, who has a vested interest. if all communication went through me directly instead of being sent back to the doctor, i could have saved buying meds each month of delay. the office couldn't understand what insurance would send drugs to their office.)

this is $1,200 worth of anti-depressants--4 months worth. i'm both happy and worried about what happens next.

F*&^%$#ING banks and their fees

2009-12-07T11:22:00.002-05:00

watch out for this one. my citicard due date is usually the 5th of the month. last month, i logged in very late on the 2nd and noticed that my bill was due that day. i paid the bill & sent a note to customer service asking why my due date had changed. they sent back some lame excuse about the number of days in the month. months either have 30 or 31 days. i guess i set up my account in feb. they said i could change my bill date. so i tried. of course, it had to be more than 5 days different than what it was. i just wanted it to be on the 5th, like it's supposed. but i had to settle for the 10th. whatever.

today, i happened to be looking at my account and noticed they charged me a $39 late fee on the 17th. UGH. i got them to take the fee off, but it took 5 minutes of my time. this seems very fishy: changing my due date, then waiting to charge the late fee--so maybe i wouldn't notice.

bastards

homicide is justified

2009-12-07T10:41:00.003-05:00

or at least it should be when the lilly free meds program screws me over for the third time! i have purchased 3 months worth of cymbalta while waiting for my free meds. they have lost my application, rejected a faxed application & mailed it back to the doctor. i only find out about these things when i call. and they tell you not to call for the few weeks they need to process.

two weeks ago, when i purchased yet another supply, i found out the price went up from $265 to $300.

add insult to injury, my "poor people" health insurance just went from $269 to $306

that's about a 12% increase

i have to make less than $2,257 a month, same for being eligible for the lilly program.
hmm $300 + $306 just for health ins & one rx. that's 27% of the income cap. how are people supposed to live?

i'm filling out the paperwork for the 4th time. trying not to get too angry. now i'm just bound and determined to get my damn free meds before i have to buy more. that money could and should be used to pay off credit cards. (i've spent $265 + 265 + 300 = $830 dealing with their stupid delays--incompetence or a strategy?)

lilly cares? NOT

2009-11-11T10:47:00.003-05:00

i've been trying for months now to get my depression meds directly from Eli Lilly since i actually have tax forms that prove i haven't made any money.

so far, my doctor has mailed the forms, i waited a month as they tell you it takes, and found out they never received it.

then, i had my doctor fax the forms. apparently last week they were sent back to the doctor because i'm asking for more than the recommended doses. HELLO it's been two months and this is the first i've heard of that. and of course, no one contacted me.

it's $265 every month for these meds. i can't pay another month. that's why i tried this alternative.

damn it. why is everything so hard?

and, now whenever i do get the damn drugs, i can't have that extra pill when i need it. mind you, when i had Rx coverage and paid almost as much as i do now without coverage, lilly had no problem taking my $$ for that extra pill.

and just for the record: i'm a depressive. do they want me to just give up? that's what we do. that's why i need the damn drugs.

pissed annoyed and sad

banks can't make money off credit cards

2009-11-10T10:39:00.003-05:00

so they're upping rates and fees and all kinds of dastardly things. big surprise.

ya know, if banks' websites didn't suck so much, they might be able to get consumers honestly. i just went through changing the due date on my citi card. my home page might be light and airy, but there's no direct link to my inbox, which i have to use to communicate with them. and pretty much everything i have to do is below the fold. huh? (i'm on a macbook pro with 1440 x 900 res, so that is not the problem)

grrrr this should be so much easier, and cheaper.

fear, loathing and next steps

2009-09-30T09:38:00.004-04:00

i've actually had some work lately. some new organizing clients and a project manager gig. yay. i've been loathe to mention anything for fear that it would somehow disappear. (have i mentioned i'm completely irrational about money. i can be afraid of things that make no logical sense. i've had to get used to it, grudgingly.)

and i finally put in my "lilly cares" application to get my anti-depressant, cymbalta, for free. so we're back to my split personality, one half makes money, the other half doesn't.

next i have to make an appointment with my credit union to convince them i'm a terrific risk for a mortgage that will combine all my debt, lower my interest rates and my payments significantly.

that's the plan. putting my 20 years of pristine credit history to work. even though i know all they care about is how much money i make right now. ugh!

split personality

2009-08-13T13:27:00.005-04:00

i'm feeling a bit split lately. i've tried to get a few 0% or low interest credit cards to move some of my higher rate (10%) card debt over. unfortunately, i've been turned down twice now, even though i over-exaggerated my potential income. (for those who don't know, i've been trying to get work since october of last year, with little success. let's say my timing's a little off. i tried to go back to work just as things started to get really ugly.)

my biggest issue has been health insurance. NYC has a great program Healthy NY that i finally lack enough income to qualify for. i'm paying $268/mos instead of the $640/mos i'd been paying as a sole proprietor. the weird thing is the Rx pricing is killing me (fucking pharmaceutical company money-grubbing bastards). Healthy NY's Rx program does not cover ANY of the drugs i take.

by far the most expensive is cymbalta, which i take for depression. with my old crappy insurance, i paid $1.78/pill ($1280 annually). shopping pharmacies, i'm paying $4.42/pill ($3180 annually), that's almost 60% more. now i'm looking at lilly's patient assistance program, where i have to show my low income. and as soon as i start making some real money, i'm no longer eligible. it also requires a doctor to administer--the pills are delivered to her. luckily, my doctors have all been great, so i'm not anticipating any problems.

when i looked at the lilly site, i noticed that cymbalta is also used to treat fibromyalgia, a very serious disease. i can't help but think that my psychiatrist who put me on the drug picked whatever his pharm reps pushed the hardest, with no regard for how expensive it is. (this is the same guy who was shocked i paid my own insurance premiums. hell-looooooo! most folks pay a portion of their health ins premiums. doctors do have to understand the financial implications of their decisions. their patients certainly have to.) thing is, this drug has worked better than anything else i have taken over the past 20 years. in fact, there are times i should probably take more, but at $4.42 a pill, i simply can't afford to.

i've managed to go to over the counter and generic solutions for my allergy drugs, and my allergy shots are covered, so that part has been a relief. but i did have to give up my preferred drugs. and i'll be relying on sample eye drops and nose spray next spring. those things are simply cost-prohibitive.

and last, my birth-control pills. i've been on the pill for 25 years now for a very irregular cycle and related depression. i take a pill now where i only get my period quarterly. it's been much better in terms of killing--i have much less desire to kill others and myself. so i don't want to switch. of course, not covered. i just checked and the fucking bastards actually cover viagra on my plan, with prior approval and a limit. hell, that i could work with. UGH!

i just found out something interesting: i don't have to have a period! how cool is that? i just spoke to the doc's office and they said i can ignore the week off when i get my period and start taking the pills. i will keep you posted on how this impacts my mental health.

sorry for all the detail, but this is what i have to deal with, and honestly, if i had kids and a job, i'd never have time. sigh.

so what makes more sense? milking my low-income status for what i can get? fight with all the other folks who've been laid off for crappy consulting gigs?

one day at a time

2009-07-29T11:00:00.004-04:00

here's where i'm at. still no real money coming in. i did get a few modeling gigs, which is pretty good in the summer. i really enjoy modeling and it's very natural for me. lately i've worked with high school grads on their way to art school. they are sooooo adorable. i really get to have the best experience with teens. they're all wide-eyed because they've never worked with a model before. i could tell they are in love with photography. once they got over their shyness, they got some really great shots.

problem with modeling is it pays $15-20/hr. in nyc, unfortunately it's not enough to live on. and it's almost impossible to get a full schedule. when i feel like i'm modeling a lot, it's only 20 hours or so.

i had a speaking gig for a women's entrepreneur group in queens a few weeks ago for my organizing biz, isimplifi.com i have another one tomorrow for the women's mentoring group i've been working with for a decade. hopefully this will lead to some organizing clients.

otherwise, just trying not to freak out every time i spend money, which seems to be all the time. sigh

homeless birthday

2009-07-15T12:34:00.002-04:00

coming back from the gym this morning, I saw a homeless guy I often see in his usual spot. his sign said today was his birthday. all i could think was what a shitty way to spend your birthday, hanging out with a sign and a can collecting change.

i put $5 cause i'm a sucker and a soft touch, i admit it. he said thank you sweet & gentle. as i was walking away, i burst into tears. which is not usual for me at all. it was all just so rediculous. then some guy walking by asked if i was ok. i nodded yes, but it just made me cry harder.

lots more people are going to be homeless. something has to give.

wouldn't believe it if i didn't see it myself

2009-06-12T21:31:00.002-04:00

Was just checking on some old credit cards to see rates and was blown away by this:

As communicated in our recent letter to customers, we deeply regret that all Advanta Business Credit Card accounts were closed effective May 30, 2009.

explanation: Substantially all Advanta accounts are funded by an independent trust which owns the account balances and provides funding for new transactions. The trust has stopped funding activity. The trust also restricts our flexibility to fund account activity. As a result, all Advanta Business Card accounts were closed effective May 30.

translation: we f*%#ed up, you pay.

glad i wasn't actually using this card.

i still have to pay my bills on time, but my clients don't

2009-06-12T20:34:00.004-04:00

i noticed this when i was in the corp world and i do NOT like being on the other end one bit. when corps get afraid to spend money, they just don't pay invoices. i'm waiting for time inc to stop sending back invoices for stupid reasons and actually pay me for ONE DAY i worked March 2. i came in for an interview and ended up going over contracts for the day. they cancelled the project entirely, probably, i believe, because my keen eye showed them they simply didn't have enough control for a successful project.

that's me. smart enough to not get work!

health insurance cos do the same thing. first they ask for one form, then no, that's not the form, it's this other form. meanwhile, days, weeks, months go by.

i know if i didn't pay the electric bill, it would be shut off. and if i don't pay my health insurance, i'm not covered. what recourse do we have?

economy note

2009-06-12T20:29:00.001-04:00

a few weeks ago, i helped a friend bring some books to the Strand. apparently, you can drop off books and get cash. well, used to be that way. they're way behind going through everything that has come in, so now it's drop off and they'll send a check in 3-4 weeks.

fingers crossed

2009-06-12T20:23:00.003-04:00

i applied for a different credit card, so i'm keeping my fingers crossed so that i can transfer balances from my higher rate credit cards. The highest is like 10.25%, but i'd much rather be paying principle than interest. gee, think the banks will let me do this?

nahhhh. they're too busy paying back their bailouts with my taxpayer money so they can give themselves bonuses. hey, can i get a bonus? how 'bout a simple break? i still can't quite believe that 20 years of excellent credit, paying bills on time means nothing.

got a rental for next weekend, 5 days for the same i used to get for 3. that's the economy. better than nothing, but certainly doesn't make a dent in the bills.

there's always high-priced call girl. wait, i'm 45 with a belly and cellulite thighs. maybe there's a market for that.

banks won't bail me out--big surprise

2009-06-08T13:38:00.003-04:00

i applied for a credit card today to transfer balances and get a lower rate. i was turned down because i don't have enough income vs my debt. i may have mentioned before, i have excellent credit, i pay my bills on time and have for 20+ years. i've been putting a lot on credit cards for a while now because i saw how long it was taking me to get work and i didn't want to find myself without cash. i had been debt free for years, except my mortgage. honestly, i can't remember ever being turned down for a credit card. i don't like it one bit.

i'm trying to figure out a way to pay less interest and the banks aren't letting me. ok, so when the stupid banks try to pay back MY TAXPAYER bailout, i think we should charge them exorbitant late fees, jack up their rates and deny them any more credit. bastards!!

i'm a bit of a control freak and this makes me feel like i just stole food from an orphanage. geez. i just can't find work as readily as i once did. never realized it was a crime.

sending in my new medical insurance payment

2009-06-08T10:32:00.002-04:00

i'm actually happy to be sending in my new health insurance payment. it's much less than the old one, so i really like that. it's also empire blue cross which has got to be better than GHI, we'll see. of course, now i'm on the open market buying prescriptions. unfortunately, the Rx plan offered does not include even one of the drugs i take regularly. you'd think i was taking experimental cancer drugs for what these things cost. all i actually take are anti-depressants, allergy meds and birth control pills. wish me luck!

trying not to freak out

2009-06-03T00:57:00.003-04:00

my savings are almost gone.

i've been in nyc for 20 years, and this is by far the hardest it has ever been to find work. some of that may be that i'm older and more expensive. but i really think it has more to do with companies doing what they always do when money is tight: they panic and stop spending.

for years now, exemplary companies have always said it's best to invest in a downturn--costs are lower, competitors can't, etc. so why isn't anyone listening?

i was trained as a journalist, so part of me is simply fascinated with what's going on. that doesn't help paying the bills, especially in such an expensive city. i guess i feel like i at least have resources and can possibly be a voice for all the other folks who are trying to make it. maybe that's just a really elaborate form of denial?

medco/GHI rant

2009-06-01T21:17:00.003-04:00

This is what I sent to Medco recently in response to their survey.

After receiving info today from GHI, yet again, telling me never to stop taking my anti-depressants without first talking to my doctor, reminding me that it may take 6 months to see results, I am so angry that the combination of GHI/Medco has made it virtually impossible to get my anti-depressants on time, regardless of when I put the order in.

I order my anti-depressants quarterly for a 3-month supply as required. The last two times, I have had significant problems.

Here’s what happened with my anti-depressant, Cymbalta:

On Feb 3, 2009, I received a note from Medco dated 1-26-09 saying that I did not have the authorizations I needed. I’d already had the order in for two weeks and was shocked. I spoke to Larry at GHI who said all the authorizations were fine and Medco should be shipping any day.

On Friday Feb 6, 2009, I checked online and saw that my Cymbalta order was no longer there. I spoke with Liza, a customer service rep from Medco who is obviously paid to say no. She said orders don’t disappear, mine did. I believe it timed out in the system. She was absolutely no help and I ended up screaming at her because I know how important it is that I don’t miss my meds. I finally insisted on speaking with a supervisor and spoke with Akisha who was understanding, did not assume I was lying, checked out everything and set it up so that my Rx was delivered the following Tues at no cost to me. That’s all I wanted.

On May 11, 2009, I had to go through the same thing again. I spoke to Akisha at GHI who said she would call Medco with the authorization and get back to me. I never heard back, so I called again and spoke to Raymond who told me that he would be the person to put through an expedited order and had nothing for me. He not only put through my order, but also got me a 7-day supply from my local pharmacy so I wouldn’t miss even one dose. He was fantastic!

When GHI moved to Medco:

My birth control pills did not get transferred, and I didn’t find out about it until it was almost too late. I’m not supposed to miss doses of birth control pills.

I received only a 30-day supply for Allegra-D, which Express Scripts says is a “maintenance drug” and can be dispensed in 90-day increments. I had to call to find out Medco does not classify it as a maintenance drug, so I have to order and pay $54.28/month.

I pay GHI $650/month for the privilege of paying $341.75 out-of-pocket for Cymbalta quarterly.

As a technology manager, I know that the problem is Medco and GHI’s systems don’t properly communicate. If I were the boss, I’d have to say, “then find a provider our system does speak with.” I can’t even get a price until my order arrives.

Honestly, I can’t wait to dump both GHI and Medco. Dealing with healthcare should not make me ill. Please do something to improve communications between GHI and Medco so others like me don’t have to suffer.

mortgage adjust & auto-payment rant

2009-05-28T16:07:00.004-04:00

just got a note from my bank that my mortgage is adjusting DOWN. Yay. My payment is going down about $50/month.

thing is, this is wells fargo and the way they set up their automatic payments is they automatically take the minimum. they've been doing the same with a credit card balance of mine. with my mortgage and home equity loans and my credit cards, I ALWAYS pay more than the minimum. that's how my original mortgage is down to $55,000. for the credit card, i was happy it was getting paid on time, but after a year, it looks like I pretty much just paid interest for a year.

UGH! i know better than this, but i'm really not looking forward to the bank calls.

encouragement appreciated.

banks! i need a bailout

2009-05-28T14:10:00.001-04:00

here's the thing, my last refinance was based on "no income" because i didn't have any steady income. why do banks think that every single person has a series of 9 to 5 jobs, especially when most people don't these days? so, to make themselves feel better about me having no income, they took into account all my retirement savings, which was about $250,000 at the time. of course, now it's more like $150,000 thanks to the stock market. all my debt, including mortgage, home eq & credit cards is just under $200,000 for an apt that was last appraised for $550,000.

On paper I should be in good shape, but i doubt that's what the banks will think. UGH! i want to combine everything and get a low interest rate, but i'm dreading the banks making me feel like a big, broke loooser.

i've been watching the media industry a bit and it's a mess. everyone's getting laid off and whoever is working is too freaked out to make a decision, so consultants are left waiting and waiting and then expected to perform miracles for nothing. it's very much like when i first moved to nyc in 1989.

right now, what i'm most worried about is worry. it's not helping, but at the same time, would i be insane if i didn't let this bother me?

health insurance round 2

2009-05-21T14:11:00.002-04:00

i finally got my paperwork in for healthy ny. it's health insurance for individuals, sole proprietors (like me) and families under a certain income level. since i haven't been earning much and have the tax records to prove it, it was time to stop paying $650/mos for the privilege of paying for everything.

i met their fax deadline, so i should be covered june 1. yes, i am currently not covered. i just couldn't justify the premium this month. i wonder how many others have said that? and how many will have to.

i've chosen their plan without rx coverage because i called to check and they do not cover EVEN ONE of the medications i take regularly.

i'll be paying $270/mos. i found out i can buy prescriptions without any insurance for what i was paying iwth the evil ghi/medco. hopefully i won't be ranting about my new health plan soon. it's a blue cross hmo. fingers crossed. having this one thing done is a big weight off my mind.

next: credit cards and stupid broken headphones.

headphones died, again

2009-04-28T11:25:00.003-04:00

i'm on my 4th pair of v-moda headphones. i love them when they work, for about 2 months. i need stereo headphones for listening to music with a mouthpiece for when i make phone calls and moderate webcasts. they're a tool for my business. i need them!

i live in nyc and need to listen to music on the subway, in the grocery store, walking the streets, where i'd have to listen to inane conversations and cell phone calls and eventually loose my mind. plus my music helps me think and focus.

i bought the best at the time, about a year or two ago, for $100. i've gone through v-moda's warranty process 4 times. the last time they agreed to send me a new pair before i sent back my faulty ones so i'd have something to use, and then lost the order. sigh.

anyway, i love these headphones. when they work they're great! they just can't handle my new york lifestyle, apparently. they break in the same way every time. i need the toughskins version.

suggestions for headphones that can take a beating appreciated.

dear mayor bloomberg and pres obama

2009-04-27T14:17:00.002-04:00

hey guys, i'm a talented, professional, articulate, thinking person who hasn't been able to find work and would like to help in these difficult times. i imagine you'll need good managers to run projects that will make a difference, find people good jobs and help save money. here i am. use me.

at least it's not bad news

2009-04-27T14:10:00.002-04:00

in my seemingly never-ending quest to find affordable health insurance, i went to my foot doctor before i stop my insurance. good news is my feet look good. i have bursitis in my toe joints. she prescribed orthotics two years ago which i've been wearing diligently. she sent them back to be refurbished, which is definitely cheaper than a new pair. once i get them back in about two weeks, i can start running again. yay!!

now i just have to keep hoping for an eye doctor appt before fri, so i don't have to pay $300 or more out of pocket. wish me luck.

healthcare blues

2009-04-08T20:54:00.003-04:00

i'm trying to spend less on healthcare, but it's not easy.

i'm also trying not to worry about money so much. it's hard since i feel like money is being spent every second and i'm not making any money.

sending out resumes and replying to postings on craigslist, linked in and whatever else comes my way.

when i see homeless people on the street, i feel horrible, and frightened that might be me if i can't get any work. i realized recently that i can dip into my retirement savings to keep my apartment. it makes me feel both better and worse.

one day at a time.

Dear President Obama

2009-04-06T22:27:00.003-04:00

Folks are tapped out and I have a few suggestions that you've probably heard already.

If someone needs to take money out of their retirement account to pay rent or health care or college or to live on if their investments tanked, they should be able to without penalty.
Give folks who owe taxes a break on penalties and interest. When folks have been bled dry, when they can't get work to help pay back taxes, what do you expect them to do?

thanks for listening.

healthcare for the rich; who gets jobs?

2009-04-06T21:16:00.007-04:00

As I mentioned, I pay a ton of money for crappy health insurance and the privilege of paying for just about everything else. I'm trying to see my doctors while I'm still paying for the insurance, especially the expensive ones. This is a big fat pain in the butt.

I need to see an eye doctor because I'm at that age where my arms just aren't long enough to hold things out to read. I've been near-sighted forever, so it's very strange for me. My glasses are always expensive ($700 last time), so bi-focals will be out of the question. I hope a new contact Rx will solve my problem.

Instead of continuing to wear my bad shoes and get expensive surgery on my feet, I worked with the doctor, paid $500 for orthotics, got rid of all my bad shoes, stopped running and worked with my trainer. When I last saw my doctor, she was surprised at how good my feet looked. She was worried I would need surgery. I have bursitis in my toes. Sounds silly, but it's very painful.

Now I need to see the doctor again and I know my orthotics are loosing their cushion, so I need new ones for another $500. If I could, I would order two pairs, one for the gym and running and another for walking. I really can't afford one pair.

I feel like I need to get what I can now because if things continue, I won't have credit cards to use anymore.

I've been sending resumes out like crazy with very little response. Many of the recruiters have made it clear they don't have any jobs. That's certainly a first.

Feels like I'm being squeezed from both ends.

Part of me wants to believe that as more and more of us get in these situations, we will realize it's going to take all of us to get out. And we have to work together. None of this "why should I help save her because she made stupid money decisions?" We all did and didn't expect work to dry up, or our retirements accounts to dissolve.

it's sunny!

2009-04-05T14:38:00.001-04:00

so i'll stop fretting about money for today. sometimes ya just have to turn it off.

taxes done. back to how to pay the mortgage

2009-04-03T22:35:00.000-04:00

I went to do my taxes the other day and I don't owe anything!! yay!! If I did, I honestly didn't know how I would pay for it. (my tax guy is fantastic! Mark Avrutine 212-826-5050, tell him Lisa sent you)

Instead of it putting me in a better mood, it just reminded me how much I spent last year when I thought I would make money again.

I'm starting to panic a little. I guess it's about time. Here's how I got here, in a nutshell:

I stopped looking for consulting work after a particularly bad stint at an ad agency where no one but me wanted the project to succeed. It also brought up a bunch of old issues I'd never resolved dealing with difficult people by doing everything they want, regardless if it's the right thing to do.
Got a $100K home equity loan based on my retirement accounts on a UWS co-op valued at $550K with an outstanding mortgage of $60K. Basically, I'd paid off about $100K of my mortgage and I borrowed it back.
I invested the home equity money and used it to pay my mortgage/expenses while I learned to be a figure model and bartered for painting lessons. Problem is, figure modeling only pays $15-20/hr. Bartering for painting works because we're both underpaid. (Karen Kaapke is my instructor. She's a genius with flesh tones.)
I love modeling and it turns out I'm pretty good at it, thanks to the artists who have taught me: Jonathan Soard and Ariel Higgins in particular, along with Karen. My trainer Suzanne (917-691-2115, tell her I sent you) has been working with me for five years now and she gets credit for my stability, balance and tone.
I'm basically healthy. I suffer from allergies and depression, both which require treatment. For the past few years, I have been paying $650/month for health insurance which gives me the privilege of paying for therapy sessions after 20 a year, half or more for prescriptions thru Medco (I'll get to my medco rant later, I promise), orthotics and pretty much anything else the insurance doesn't feel like paying for. Obviously, I can't afford these premiums any longer and it's looking like I'll end up spending less with a high deductible catastrophic plan and paying out of pocket for the rest.
Visiting my psychiatrist to get a new Rx, I found out that he will charge me $100/15 min session that I'm required to have 4 times/yr, even though I only saw him once a year when I had insurance. Ugh! He even acted surprised when I said I pay my own insurance. Hello!! I live in the US where healthcare is a privilege, not a right.

I want everyone to know that not making money and healthcare are issues for all of us. I'm competing with every person who has been laid off for project work. Needless to say, the phone isn't ringing. I've also tried to start a home organizing business, but in this economy, no one wants to spend.

Usually, I'm a very optimistic in the face of opposition. But I have to admit, I'm concerned. I sold some land in Costa Rica before things fell completely apart. I never got around to investing the money, so at least I didn't loose any of it. That's what I've been living on and it's almost gone. I've gotten a bunch of modeling gigs lately, but it's almost embarassing how little that will help. I'm probably better off looking for organizing and other higher paying work instead.

I will continue to let you all know how ugly it gets and the issues I run into. I will also send positive energy to you because I believe that will help. Feel free to send it back. thanks for listening.