trying to get help, hah!

the latest affront is i clicked on one of those ads about refinancing and debt relief and all that. there were: as seen on CBS, better business bureau, official privacy security stuff, all over the place. i went thru their stupid process, putting in my financial info. i was told i'd be contacted, which i hate, but i'm sure they needed to know income, and the site hadn't asked for that.

when an unknown number came thru, i made myself answer and listen to some idiot living in one of the rectangle states, tell me none of my info came thru to him, especially the part about uws co-op. they don't even know what they are. and they are: quicken loans, the biggest lender, according to said idiot. yeah, i'm impressed.

here's my deal: (financial disclosures below, read at your own risk)

• i own an upper west side co-op that i bought in 1993 for $150,000. it's now worth about $650,000. location, location, location, and it's quiet, overlooks a garden and has a wood-burning fireplace (wbfp)
• i paid off about $100k in the salad days as well as completely remodeled the kitchen (think tuscan farmhouse, cherry cabinets, granite counter top) and bath (white tile, pedestal sink, currently painted soothing blue)
• stopped getting work a few years back. started figure modeling (at $15-20/hr i feel i'm doing charity for education) and learning to oil paint.
  
• started looking for work as savings dried up. October 2008 booom
• got a $100k home equity loan to pay taxes and live on while i looked for paying work. sigh
• watched my $250k retirement savings shrink 40%. (it's close to $200 now, unless i have to use it to pay off debt)
• racked up about $50k in credit card debt (rates from 7-11%) as savings dwindled, market tanked, afraid to spend cash
• still paying all bills on time and a bit more than the minimum.

here's some of the scary part:

• last month i paid $1,700 to credit card minimums plus $50-75
• AND i paid $1,000 to my mortgage and home eq loan (min + $50)
• $2,700 for all my debt per month
  
• If i were to get a $200,000 loan at 4.75% paying it off in 20 years, my payments would be under $1,300 a month.
• i'd love to save $1,400 a month to pay off my debt!! who wouldn't?
• problem is, 2 of the 3 specially chosen vendors don't handle co-ops in NYC. and i had to get a phone call to figure this out. what a waste of time for both of us.
  
• my credit union, that i've belonged to since i worked for one year at mcgraw-hill in 1993, told me they won't even take my mortgage application because i don't have tax forms that show i make lots of money
• now i'm going to see if citibank will talk to me as a disadvantaged home-owner. i have the tax forms that show i don't make a lot of money. that's how i'm getting affordable health insurance and my rxs paid for.
  

i'm in a somewhat better mood because i made enough money to pay my bills this month. and wouldn't it be a whole lot easier if i magically had to pay $1,400 less? that's all i'm asking for.

sometimes you get what you need, when you ask

i've been asking the universe lately to give me some well-paying, flexible & interesting work. i believe if you're gonna bother asking, go for it!

and it worked! a client I've worked with before and they asked me back to help move a project along. one thing i love about this client is that they totally get that work can be done from home without someone standing over me to make sure it happens. last time i showed up in person maybe once a week and that was plenty. i love it when i can do a good job working the way i like to work and not having to give up my modeling gigs.

let's hope this gets me thru the summer financially:)

survived tax time

i had a few hopes going into taxes that were all realized. keep in mind, these hopes may seem a bit odd. it's the part of my split personality where i have to keep my income down, not up.

i wanted to come out of taxes not owing anything--pretty easy since i'm not making much money. but very important so that i can keep my cheap health ins ($300/mos vs $650/mos) and get my anti-depressants from the manufacturer. i have to make less than $2,200/mos. (don't even think about that folks who make this little also have to pay $300/mos--yes, that health ins bill was necessary)

of course, i had to pay to get my taxes done. i have some other bills to pay, savings is almost depleted and i don't have any work on the horizon. whew! that was hard to write, but it's true. i've never gone this long without a good, long, high-paying gig to pay down debt. that's how i paid off $100k of my mortgage.

only to borrow it back. UGH.

i don't like having things this out of control.

so, back to looking for work, i guess.

money = scary

i have little if any money coming in right now and i'm afraid to look at my accounts. it sounds weird, but it's true.