homicide is justified

or at least it should be when the lilly free meds program screws me over for the third time! i have purchased 3 months worth of cymbalta while waiting for my free meds. they have lost my application, rejected a faxed application & mailed it back to the doctor. i only find out about these things when i call. and they tell you not to call for the few weeks they need to process.

two weeks ago, when i purchased yet another supply, i found out the price went up from $265 to $300.

add insult to injury, my "poor people" health insurance just went from $269 to $306

that's about a 12% increase

i have to make less than $2,257 a month, same for being eligible for the lilly program.
hmm $300 + $306 just for health ins & one rx. that's 27% of the income cap. how are people supposed to live?

i'm filling out the paperwork for the 4th time. trying not to get too angry. now i'm just bound and determined to get my damn free meds before i have to buy more. that money could and should be used to pay off credit cards. (i've spent $265 + 265 + 300 = $830 dealing with their stupid delays--incompetence or a strategy?)

lilly cares? NOT

i've been trying for months now to get my depression meds directly from Eli Lilly since i actually have tax forms that prove i haven't made any money.

so far, my doctor has mailed the forms, i waited a month as they tell you it takes, and found out they never received it.

then, i had my doctor fax the forms. apparently last week they were sent back to the doctor because i'm asking for more than the recommended doses. HELLO it's been two months and this is the first i've heard of that. and of course, no one contacted me.

it's $265 every month for these meds. i can't pay another month. that's why i tried this alternative.

damn it. why is everything so hard?

and, now whenever i do get the damn drugs, i can't have that extra pill when i need it. mind you, when i had Rx coverage and paid almost as much as i do now without coverage, lilly had no problem taking my $$ for that extra pill.

and just for the record: i'm a depressive. do they want me to just give up? that's what we do. that's why i need the damn drugs.

pissed annoyed and sad

banks can't make money off credit cards

so they're upping rates and fees and all kinds of dastardly things. big surprise.

ya know, if banks' websites didn't suck so much, they might be able to get consumers honestly. i just went through changing the due date on my citi card. my home page might be light and airy, but there's no direct link to my inbox, which i have to use to communicate with them. and pretty much everything i have to do is below the fold. huh? (i'm on a macbook pro with 1440 x 900 res, so that is not the problem)

grrrr this should be so much easier, and cheaper.

fear, loathing and next steps

i've actually had some work lately. some new organizing clients and a project manager gig. yay. i've been loathe to mention anything for fear that it would somehow disappear. (have i mentioned i'm completely irrational about money. i can be afraid of things that make no logical sense. i've had to get used to it, grudgingly.)

and i finally put in my "lilly cares" application to get my anti-depressant, cymbalta, for free. so we're back to my split personality, one half makes money, the other half doesn't.

next i have to make an appointment with my credit union to convince them i'm a terrific risk for a mortgage that will combine all my debt, lower my interest rates and my payments significantly.

that's the plan. putting my 20 years of pristine credit history to work. even though i know all they care about is how much money i make right now. ugh!

split personality

i'm feeling a bit split lately. i've tried to get a few 0% or low interest credit cards to move some of my higher rate (10%) card debt over. unfortunately, i've been turned down twice now, even though i over-exaggerated my potential income. (for those who don't know, i've been trying to get work since october of last year, with little success. let's say my timing's a little off. i tried to go back to work just as things started to get really ugly.)

my biggest issue has been health insurance. NYC has a great program Healthy NY that i finally lack enough income to qualify for. i'm paying $268/mos instead of the $640/mos i'd been paying as a sole proprietor. the weird thing is the Rx pricing is killing me (fucking pharmaceutical company money-grubbing bastards). Healthy NY's Rx program does not cover ANY of the drugs i take.

by far the most expensive is cymbalta, which i take for depression. with my old crappy insurance, i paid $1.78/pill ($1280 annually). shopping pharmacies, i'm paying $4.42/pill ($3180 annually), that's almost 60% more. now i'm looking at lilly's patient assistance program, where i have to show my low income. and as soon as i start making some real money, i'm no longer eligible. it also requires a doctor to administer--the pills are delivered to her. luckily, my doctors have all been great, so i'm not anticipating any problems.

when i looked at the lilly site, i noticed that cymbalta is also used to treat fibromyalgia, a very serious disease. i can't help but think that my psychiatrist who put me on the drug picked whatever his pharm reps pushed the hardest, with no regard for how expensive it is. (this is the same guy who was shocked i paid my own insurance premiums. hell-looooooo! most folks pay a portion of their health ins premiums. doctors do have to understand the financial implications of their decisions. their patients certainly have to.) thing is, this drug has worked better than anything else i have taken over the past 20 years. in fact, there are times i should probably take more, but at $4.42 a pill, i simply can't afford to.

i've managed to go to over the counter and generic solutions for my allergy drugs, and my allergy shots are covered, so that part has been a relief. but i did have to give up my preferred drugs. and i'll be relying on sample eye drops and nose spray next spring. those things are simply cost-prohibitive.

and last, my birth-control pills. i've been on the pill for 25 years now for a very irregular cycle and related depression. i take a pill now where i only get my period quarterly. it's been much better in terms of killing--i have much less desire to kill others and myself. so i don't want to switch. of course, not covered. i just checked and the fucking bastards actually cover viagra on my plan, with prior approval and a limit. hell, that i could work with. UGH!

i just found out something interesting: i don't have to have a period! how cool is that? i just spoke to the doc's office and they said i can ignore the week off when i get my period and start taking the pills. i will keep you posted on how this impacts my mental health.

sorry for all the detail, but this is what i have to deal with, and honestly, if i had kids and a job, i'd never have time. sigh.

so what makes more sense? milking my low-income status for what i can get? fight with all the other folks who've been laid off for crappy consulting gigs?

one day at a time

here's where i'm at. still no real money coming in. i did get a few modeling gigs, which is pretty good in the summer. i really enjoy modeling and it's very natural for me. lately i've worked with high school grads on their way to art school. they are sooooo adorable. i really get to have the best experience with teens. they're all wide-eyed because they've never worked with a model before. i could tell they are in love with photography. once they got over their shyness, they got some really great shots.

problem with modeling is it pays $15-20/hr. in nyc, unfortunately it's not enough to live on. and it's almost impossible to get a full schedule. when i feel like i'm modeling a lot, it's only 20 hours or so.

i had a speaking gig for a women's entrepreneur group in queens a few weeks ago for my organizing biz, isimplifi.com i have another one tomorrow for the women's mentoring group i've been working with for a decade. hopefully this will lead to some organizing clients.

otherwise, just trying not to freak out every time i spend money, which seems to be all the time. sigh

homeless birthday

coming back from the gym this morning, I saw a homeless guy I often see in his usual spot. his sign said today was his birthday. all i could think was what a shitty way to spend your birthday, hanging out with a sign and a can collecting change.

i put $5 cause i'm a sucker and a soft touch, i admit it. he said thank you sweet & gentle. as i was walking away, i burst into tears. which is not usual for me at all. it was all just so rediculous. then some guy walking by asked if i was ok. i nodded yes, but it just made me cry harder.

lots more people are going to be homeless. something has to give.